Sunday, October 4, 2009

Why Haven't I Heard From You?

RSVP --a simple little acronym appearing at the end of many invitations. It stands for "respondez s'il vou plait" meaning "please respond". You don't have to respond in French. Good old American will do. So, in the words of Reba Mcentire: tell me why...haven't I...heard from you? Even if you don't normally have your volume turned on--turn it on'll smile :) In recent months we've entertained a few times...a large formal wedding and a couple of smaller parties. I am appalled (yes, I used that word) at the number of people who do not respond to an invitation. I'm not talking about sixteen year old slackers. I'm talking about the guy who is on the board at the bank, the lady who teaches your kids, the mother in charge of raising the next short, lots of people. Really in this age of instant communication, there really is no excuse...none. There are lots of different ways to reach me.

I conveniently wrote my number at the end of the invitation. You can try my house phone...I still have one. As the song says, "I have call waiting, call forwarding, you can even call collect". I have an answering machine if I am not at home.

I've got a cell phone. I know you have one too. I see you in your car, in line at the grocery store, and sometimes even in the movie theater. Could you take just a minute to RSVP?

We don't even have to have direct contact. You can email me. I don't mind. I won't be judgemental if you can't come.

I'm "with it" now! You can even write on my Facebook page.

I don't twitt..or tweet, or whatever it is...but I will, if it will help.

I've tried to make it as painless as possible. The envelope is pre-addressed and there is a stamp on it. All you have to do is fill in the name and make a check mark. No explanation or personal message is necessary. Sure, I'd love a note, but I know you're busy.

It's not as if I asked you to send it by carrier pigeon. Any of the above methods will work. It's just a matter of good manners and basic consideration really. Sooo....tell me why...haven't I...heard from you?

I'm linking this to Tam at the Gypsy's Corner for Three or More Tuesday ...three or more ways you can reach me:) I think her regular format will resume this week. You can visit some less disgruntled people here :)


  1. I know, I know, I know.....


  2. Soooo true! And then there are the people who show up even though they didn't respond! And let's not even get into the people who bring their children to a formal event when they weren't listed on the invitation!! Happy week anyway! lol...Debbie

  3. I know... it is really rude not to reply... especially when a stamped card is included in the invitation. Glad you brought this up.
    Ladybug Creek

  4. Social courtesies seem to be less important to some, anymore. Makes you wonder how they were raised.

    Have a lovely week. TTFN~Marydon

  5. Susan, we have endless discussions about this, and some of us are wondering the same thing. Then my computer went down which made it impossible for me to Rsvp to an Evite that was sent my way. :-/

    I do feel your pain, particularly when you are trying to figure out how many guests to serve. I know people who have had to call around to find out how many to expect.

    Maybe we ought to go back to the days when people were dropped off lists for being uncouth. ;-) Etiquette rules are there for a reason. They make life infinitely more pleasant.


    Sheila :-)

  6. Oh, Susan, I feel your pain. I don't know why folks are just so inconsiderate these days, but they are. Eleven years ago at my daughter's wedding, some folks showed up for the reception and they had not RSVPed at all! I thought that was rather rude.
    I'm still big on having manners! I see you are too. Folks are just rude, aren't they?
    Be a sweetie,
    shelia ;)

  7. Susan, this is a great post. I've been involved in helping to host several parties lately (in fact, I've blogged about most of them), and I've thought about posting about RSVP's as well. It's a disgrace how many don't have the courtesy to let you know if they are coming or not.

  8. I agree--if someone fills it out they want you to do it.


  9. I totally understand your frustration...people don't get it. Dr. Hubby's family dislikes anything formal...they don't even pay attention to the time that something begins! So frustrating! Of course when I get short with them or express my aggravation they act like I am the weird one.

  10. What a cute post. I totally agree with you. Why don't people respond. It is such a simple thing to do and so rude not to.
    Thank you for visiting my blog and for the birthday wish.

  11. GREAT POST!!!! I am right there with you! I want even get started on the subject. I will let you know what I decide about the rug. :) Thanks for the nice comment on the redo.

  12. I completely agree with you! I have had people not reply...and show up...and it is just plain rude when you are planning for those that took the time to let you know...and these folk figure the world revolves around them!

  13. Amen Sister! Some people just don't think but it's time they should. I think we need more civility. Sing it Reba!
    Happy Twirls

  14. Sooooooo TRUE and how perplexing!!! I went to a luncheon today and the hostess said only 2 of us RSVP'd -- there were at least a dozen there -- how RUDE!!!!!

  15. This is hilarious...but oh, so true. When our daughter got married....I was also shocked at the number of people who refused to return the RSVP card as to whether they would attend the reception....but just showed up!!! ARGH!!! Very good post...and I love Reba's song playing in the background!! So appropriate!! Hope you feel better now!!!

  16. I agree 200% or more if it will help! Another thing that bothers me is no Thank You note for Wedding Gifts. Crips I never know if they rec'd my gift or not. I just send a check now and when it's cancelled I guess that's the Thank You!

    Love the song too! Very clever!

  17. Lovely post Susan and yes, it is common manners to be polite and that was one thing that we were taught as children and it has stayed with me.

    happy week

  18. Susan, I'm so sorry you dropped by my blog and got the piddly little post saying "I'm sick." WHAT A BUMMER FOR YOU. I hope you'll come back sometime!

    My FB status the other day was related to THIS VERY TOPIC. I was so frustrated because I was planning my son's 5th birthday party and only had three responses from the 16 kids in his class. The party was to be at a local gymnastics place, and they needed to know how many kids so they'd know how many coaches to have on hand. I paid for more than I thought would come, just so we'd be "safe." I ended up paying for one more child than we had (which was FINE, really, I got lucky!), but I was appalled that I even had to guess! I should be used to it by now, but my mother raised me differently and I suppose I hold people to a higher standard.

    Great post!

  19. You're so right--people don't RSVP any more! It's enough to drive a hostess mad. I hate having to track people down to ask, "Um, did you get my invitation?"

    I just sent out 35 invitations to a bridal shower and am wondering how many people I'll get a response from? Wish me luck. ;-)

  20. OMG! Some people just don't get it.
    This is just hilarious!! Next time that I am over ordering, over cooking, and stacking up way too many plates, I will remember this post and try to laugh about it!
    I'm following ya now! R.S.V.P.!!!!! (Ha!)

  21. Oh my word!!! This is so accurate!!! When I had my parent's 50th anniversary party 2 years ago, I cannot tell you the number of phone calls I had to make to find out if people were coming!! Lately I've heard that the new "thing" is you only call if you plan on attending! Or you only send back the response card if you're going to come! How RUDE!!!!! People need to really take a look at the response card and just check the appropriate box and put it back in the mail! Great post!

  22. Great post!! And you're so right -- common courtesy seems to have gone the way of the carrier pigeon. Even simple things, like getting a "thank you" when you hold a door open for someone, is rare.

    Manners, people, MANNERS!!!


  23. oh man this is a pet peeve of mine!! I don't understand why people can't just's like they are afraid to "commit" to plans in case something better comes up...grrrrr

  24. Many years ago, I hosted a moving away party for my brother & SIL. We invited 30 people. Three people responded. I prepared for 25...there were 10 of us, family + 3! I was furious. I spent money & time on the food prep that could have been spent elsewhere.

    Another time, we had 30+ people in our house, waiting for the guests of honor to show up. Never did! We had more fun without them!

    Beckie in Brentwood, TN

  25. Hi Susan!

    I know the feeling. I am a sunday school fellowship coordinator and seriously the day of the fellowship, they are still wondering what they should bring....

    Thank you for your visit to my blog!

    As far as mitering, all you need is a $10 miter power tools. You can do it!

    I signed up to follow you and would love it if you did the same!

  26. It seems to be the way of the world now that people don;t reply. As you said there are so many ways to do it now - we don't just have to use snail mail!
    Thanks for your kind comments on my blog :)

  27. I agree with this one too. Then there is the other thing that frustrates me, calling us the day of the event and saying "oh we are having a get together for so-and-so's birthday (or whatever), can you come and bring (whatever). Makes me wonder if we are last minute invites or something. I hate being informed the day of the event.

    I hate being invited through another person, like my mom. She will call us and say so-and-so wants to know if you can join us for a (whatever). I told my mom, they need to call us directly, email, or even text me. So they finally started doing that. My mom tells them you need to call her yourself.

    I hope all that made sense. Reading about your gripes or pet peeves reminded me of mine. LOL!

    Thanks for visiting me today too. :-)


  28. That was great and so true..Email is the time considerations!

  29. I think we need to start a movement ladies. The RSVP grab a brain movement.
    My brother in law & his wife showed up with an extra person for dinner one night. Hmmm 6 chicken breasts and 7 people. Do the math brainwave.
    I just emailed an invite to a surprise party to someone I don't know, requesting an RSVP. I wonder if I will hear back.

  30. I hear ya, sister! I feel bad when a hostess doesn't have an idea as to how many will be attending a party. Glad you are trying to bring this lost concept back!

    You asked about the lighted garland on my door. It is just grapevine garland from the craft store (be sure to soak it overnight so it is easier to work with). I wrapped it with harvest colored lights - I've seen them at the craft stores, too. Good luck! Drop me a line so I can see how it turned out!

  31. I also can simpathise with your quest voor answering the RSVP.
    We also where at a wedding (see my post) last weekend and people are so lazy. The bride and groom already lived together for a while and had everything they needed so they asked for money instead of gifts. You could make a donation in advance but no....Lots of people had money in an enveloppe with them on the reception. It is so difficult to not loose this money in such a busy reception not to speak from getting it robbed by one of the personel or the guest. Are people really so busy these days that the can not shove a card in the post even when it already has an address and a stamp on it??? We should add a note to the RSVP. When no answer is recieved by x date we will pressume you will not attend! Its rude but they are rude too by not answering!

  32. This is such a common thing now..why???? How hard is it to spend 10 seconds responding? I love the "oh, you knew we wouldnt miss it..."

    And your carrier pigeon comment cracked me UP!

  33. Cute post, and people not RSVP'ing is one of my biggest pet peaves.

  34. Oh Susan!! I'm sorry, but I can't help giggling just a little at your presentation here!! It can be VERY frustrating though, I KNOW!! My own father is the KING of LATE, and I grew up being late to EVERYTHING!!.. So that is why I HATE being late to anything now! It's rude.. It was always embarrassing to me as a kid, and I just don't wish to be like that! So good luck with everything! I hope everybody's guilty consciences have them RUNNING to respond NOW!! (0; ~tina

  35. By the way, after you visited my blog a few weeks ago, I sent an email which was sent back as not deliverable. Don't know why...
    Beckie in Brentwood, TN

  36. I just replied to your email to me & it was sent back. Says that my ISP (bellsouth) addy was blocked. Don't know what the problem is, so I will just tell you that my replied was to tell you that I am a big fan of your blog.

  37. You've definitely addressed a pet peeve long over due!! Went through it last fall during my sons wedding - drove me nuts!!
    Love REBA!!!!

  38. Thank you!!! My husband and I are constantly complaining that people have forgotten their manners. We are trying so hard with the children to instill in them how important just plain respect is. But, then they get around other kids whose parents don't care. It's hard, but nice to know someone else cares!! Thank you so much for coming by! Please come again!!

  39. for years...I tried changing my request to...if you're "unable" to attend please (RSVP). A type of reverse physiology, I guess. It actually worked for a bit. Eventually the problem was all the leftovers from those I assumed were coming, because "they didn't CALL to say they weren't" afterall.

    Sweet wishes,

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